Sex: Twice In One Week

This may go hand in hand with the results of the previous article posted concerning results of a study in Wales. That one dealt with the health effects of having sex on middle-aged men. (Editor’s note: we do not mean to imply that sexual acts were performed using middle-aged men as a piece of furniture. At least, we do not think the study results meant that. To be perfectly honest, we are either becoming “hot and bothered” by such discussions or we are confused. Readers will probably opt for the latter choice.)

True, a study of sex and middle-aged men may prove boring to other than middle-aged men who now know either that other men their age “get some” more regularly than they do, that other middle-aged men are liars, or that other middle-aged men can at least still “do the deed”.

The survey or study in question here comes from mainland Europe and simply asked people, both men and women, how many of them had “done the deed” in a public place.

The results are surprising if only because the country that finished second is Australia which, as any refugee can tell you, is not part of Europe at all. It is part of the US. (Just kidding. Everyone knows that Australia is part of New Zealand.)

Actually, the researchers for this study asked people all around the world how many of them had had sex in public places – various modes of transportation, beaches, parks, offices, libraries (yes, libraries), and changing rooms and the results were remarkable.

Those naughty Norwegians came in first. Roughly two-thirds of them said they had engaged in sex in public places, which is bound to strain their public transportation systems once people realize the double entendre of “come fly with me” or “riding the train”. Many of these people will doubtlessly be heading for their local libraries to see how they might “stack up” among the stacks. At the same time, only the hardiest or most foolhardy (especially men) are likely to be heading for the beaches or parks in winter.

Interestingly, Argentina finished in a tie for fourth proving that homelessness due to an economy gone bust does not necessarily preclude sexual activity and can actually enhance a country’s standing in surveys such as this one. On the other hand, it may be unfair to other countries to include people who want to have sex but have no homes or bedrooms in which to perform the deed.

Sadly, the survey did not ask how many people engaged in sex in caves else the Taliban in Afghanistan, assuming they could put down their other weapons long enough to answer the question and did not shoot the researcher, might have finished atop the list. Even more sadly, the French finished bottom of the table, finishing even behind the Reverend Jerry Falwell who, as everyone knows, is something of a country unto himself. At least when he is alone he is in the company of all the people on earth with whom he agrees.

Canadians, who are clearly not stupid enough to be deceived by mild winter patterns, finished slightly better than the French. Americans, not including those in Afghanistan playing “Laden go Seek”, finished a bit further up the chart. Now, as a matter of prurient interest, The Ornery Reports will include a survey on this very subject.

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